I'm an ENFJ. What's that you say? An eeee-nuuuhhh-fffuuurrhh-jjeeehh? No, no, an E-N-F-J. It's my personality type according to the Meyers-Briggs personality test. ENFJ stands for Extravert, Intuitive, Feelings, Judgement. The thing about people like that, apparently, is that they have very thing psychological boundaries. This means that people with this personality get hurt easily, be it through commissions or omissions. Thinking back through past experiences... hurtful past experiences, I do get hurt easily. It's hard because generally speaking, guys call each other all kinds of names, usually in a joking manner but I TAKE IT SERIOUSLY! I mean why would you call someone something hurtful, even if it was meant as a joke? For this simple reason, I was shunned a lot by other guys because I would cry when these were said. This also led to even more hurtful names and labels like "girl" and "sensitive." Till this very day I still feel very judged and condemned at times with the things I say and do. For survival, I had to put up barriers. I had to create defense mechanisms to protect myself from being hurt. At least walls that would enable me to look fine till I could find a quite corner and just weep. As a result of this pain, I find it very tough to say anything crushing to anybody, Even constructive comments I make are rewritten and edited countless times before I send it to anyone. I just can't, as "normal" guys would put it, "shoot only." I can, I have this very destructive side of me but I can't, my personality and experiences usually out weigh the want to cut down. Just never upset the balance though. This is just one aspect of my weakness. I would sum it up that I am a weak person when it comes to myself.
Even with these internal crumblings, I don't mention them to anyone for the fear of being further judged or a burden. I have had to be strong in that sense, to hold my ground by myself. But more than that really, I can be strong for other people. If you need me, I will be there. I am that kind of friend who will drive in the middle of the night, though the driving rain and traffic (if there is traffic in the middle of the night =P) just to get to your home and comfort you. I would say that when you've experienced pain and loneliness, you never want anyone to have to feel the same thing. I can be a rock for other people. Strangely, when I help people in this sense, I get ministered to too. I find that God tends to impart something or speak into me whenever I am there for people. Yes, I am strong. I will be your support system in the toughest times.
It's been two and a half years since I was told that I'm too strong. Since then, I've opened up to people... at least beginning to open up. The two specific people would be the two very awesome guys Wai Nyan and Kit Soon. It's nice to know that should anything happen, I know I have these two guys who have my back. From this experience, I want others to have this comforting knowledge too that at least there will be at least one person for them at all times. I'm still figuring out this balance between being vulnerable and strong. Are the aspects I'm discussing noncomparable and different? I don't know. I guess I'm using multiple definitions and lumping them together. As I said, I'm still figuring this out but I know that a very good start has begun. I think a major take away from this would be that I am weak fro myself but i am strong for others. I'm just trusting God with this. I'm still figuring out myself but I know that whatever God has in store, it will be very good.
Till next time!
Dennis
Even with these internal crumblings, I don't mention them to anyone for the fear of being further judged or a burden. I have had to be strong in that sense, to hold my ground by myself. But more than that really, I can be strong for other people. If you need me, I will be there. I am that kind of friend who will drive in the middle of the night, though the driving rain and traffic (if there is traffic in the middle of the night =P) just to get to your home and comfort you. I would say that when you've experienced pain and loneliness, you never want anyone to have to feel the same thing. I can be a rock for other people. Strangely, when I help people in this sense, I get ministered to too. I find that God tends to impart something or speak into me whenever I am there for people. Yes, I am strong. I will be your support system in the toughest times.
It's been two and a half years since I was told that I'm too strong. Since then, I've opened up to people... at least beginning to open up. The two specific people would be the two very awesome guys Wai Nyan and Kit Soon. It's nice to know that should anything happen, I know I have these two guys who have my back. From this experience, I want others to have this comforting knowledge too that at least there will be at least one person for them at all times. I'm still figuring out this balance between being vulnerable and strong. Are the aspects I'm discussing noncomparable and different? I don't know. I guess I'm using multiple definitions and lumping them together. As I said, I'm still figuring this out but I know that a very good start has begun. I think a major take away from this would be that I am weak fro myself but i am strong for others. I'm just trusting God with this. I'm still figuring out myself but I know that whatever God has in store, it will be very good.
Till next time!
Dennis
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