Queasy Quantitative

My head is spinning. The world seems to have become a big watercolour picture with the paint smearing. I turn to my right and left. Through my blurry vision I can make out that my lecturer is still droning on and my friends are snickering about something. However, all I hear are dull and low thumps. What's happening to me? I am so muddled in my thoughts. My mind is drifting and spacing out. Then,...... BAM!!! It all comes back to me. I'm in maths class and my lecturer is doing some sort of difficult differentiation question up front on the board. Am I going crazy? What just happened?

It's just the maths. It's hard and I struggle quite a lot. Today made me question why exactly I wanted to do a degree in economics. There's so much maths and it feels like I can't handle them. I mean I don't hate maths but I don't love it. I'm not terrible at it but I'm also not great at it. I would say that I'm a 'B' student when it comes to quantitative subjects. 

The frustration inside me simply stems from my desire to know and understand maths. I really want to understand it but it feels like a great serpent or bronco who keeps bucking and twisting, refusing to be tamed. I think one reason would be that maths lectures are 3 hours in one sitting. This makes it extremely unbearable. Like I realise 2 hours is my absolute maximum. If it's a new or tough topic, my maximum brain absorbant (if there is such a word) time would be much less. Also, my lecturer runs through the topics pretty fast. He's good at solving the questions and he can teach but he could improve greatly on his his ability to educate. 

I really, really, want to 'get' maths. i know it won't be easy but I'm willing to learn if someone can patiently help me and go through the subject slowly. However, for now, there's really no one to do that with me. I could ask my friends but i don't think that they have so much time to sit patiently and help me through slowly. The one saving grace is that the "Essential Reading" material is very well written and brings the reader slowly through the tricky topics. It's called "Mathematics for Economics and Finance: Methods and Modelling" by Martin Anthony and Norman Biggs. Thank you Mr. Anthony and Biggs for writing such an excellent book! I currently have a borrowed copy from the library but I intend to purchase my own.

Well, that's all for now. I really have to trust God with this. I know that he will help me and that I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. =)

Dennis

Chasing the Peak

Today's maths class was really though. I mean I find practically all MT105a classes challenging but today's was just exceptionally hard. Honestly, I am panicking because in my mind I'm thinking what if I don't do well in this subject? What if I fail? What if I don't receive a good grade on my degree? So many questions...

However, I was just pondering over this and a thought struck me. "Just because you aren't a maths whiz, does it make you any less successful?" It got me thinking and after some thought here's some of the #walkinghomethoughts that came to mind:

The world generally defines success as being on top of your game, having a soaring career, scoring well in your exams, earning loads of money, being better than anyone else, etc.. etc... But is it justified? If I can't excel in my academics, does it make me any less successful? You see, the world wants the best of the best. Sometimes it feels like anything less than an A will not be considered. So as our world grows in knowledge and as people grow smarter, average people, who are not able to grasp new information and data as fast, will be pushed back further and further, losing out on opportunities in life. Sooner or later, what we define as an average student today will be considered stupid in the future. Should we be placing so much emphasis on the top all the time? Yes, careers, academic qualifications, income are important but should our "success" be hung on these alone? Or are there other ways of defining success? Is it justified that just because I earn more than you, I am more successful? 

What if I've worked my hardest, done my best and scored a C on a paper while another person who did not study got a B. Does it make him more successful than me? If he had studied really hard he could have scored an A. Would I be considered the "failure" when the talented guy did not utilize his aptitude for the subject to the maximum? 

I believe that sometimes, (or if not all of the time) we chase such things in life to satisfy our own insecurities. We feel like we are no one, so we need to show and prove ourselves to the world. That "Hey, I'm good and smart!" On the other hand, was this mind-set birthed from the world's wanting of the crème de la crème? Possibly.

So through my thoughts, I was reminded of a song called "The Reason I Sing" by Jimmy Needham. It a song where Jimmy sings of success as how his industry and as the world defines it, but at the end, he reaches a conclusion that God is the most important. The songs goes on to say that perhaps we should define success as obedience to God. 

I really like this song because I really relate to it. It helps me reset my perspectives. I hope it will encourage you too. That's all for now!

Dennis