New Year's Eve Musings

It's New Year's eve! How fast a year has swept by! Honestly, it has been a very challenging year. It definitely ranks as one of the hardest years I've ever experienced. There's been so much heartaches and breaks. Of course there have been progress and achievements but I can assure you that this year was hard, hard, hard. The relationship struggles, personal struggles, and academic struggles.

Academic struggles. Hmm I think from the previous posts that I've put up, you can tell that I really struggle. It's been tough and there have been a number of times that I've wanted to break down and cry. Going into the new year, well I don't think anything will really change in this aspect. on the contrary, things are gonna get way more stressful with the upcoming exams in May! But it's 4 months away Dennis! Yes, it is 4 months but there's really a lot to prep for. The exams are going to test everything I've studied for the last one year. To top it off, this is a 100% exams based course which means my first year of undergraduate studies (sophomore year for you Americans) results completely hang on this one exam. Phew, no pressure, no pressure. Come January, I've really got to step up my game on this.

January. Hhmmm... as it's the end of the year, we're all probably setting our resolutions and stuff. Isn't it interesting that the moment that minute hand goes past 12 on the clock face we become people with a new attitude, a new goal, a new decision, a new mindset. I mean it's just a new day. Of course it's not anyday, it marks another revolution of the earth around the sun. But does it really matter? How come at any other time of the year, we don't go like, "Oh it's a new minute, time to get my resolutions done!" Funny eh? I guess we like new stuff, fresh, when we decide to change and what newer "thing" than a new year? 

Now being truthful, I don't remember any of this year's resolutions. But "Get fitter" was definitely on the list. For the first 9 months of the year, this resolution laid redundant. I didn't touch it or do anything to reach this target. That was until my friend Kit Soon came along. He's a great guy really. He's 2 years older than me and he got me all motivated in calisthenics. Well he definitely changed my perception that really building muscles only happens in the gym. But now suddenly the outdoors has become my gym. So yeah I've been working out regularly for the last 3 months. At least I managed to reach this resolution I guess? XP The good thing about Kit Soon is that he checks on me and my progress. If he didn't my drive would have fizzled out within the 1st month. =P So yes, there has been progress. I have been able to do things that I never dreamed I could do! Stuff like a total of 80 pushups in one session. I mean considering the fact that I could barely do 10 in the first place, i say that's a very respectable number. (Self praising again Dennis).

But yes, I'm glad I have this friend to really get me going. He's been like totally awesome and stuff. He's like a typical guy when it comes to attitude, perceptions and outlooks while I'm more "girly" (not that it makes me any less of a man! More on this topic to come in a future article!) in those areas. But we click. At least I think we appear to. He sends me nonsensical stuff on the internet and it's good. Honestly I really hope he is that best friend I've been praying for all these years! I hope that this relationship turns into a bromance. I'm just afraid that if I make advances, he might pull back. I mean I'm not gay. I just would really like to have a nonsexual but intimate relationship with another man. Hahaha, it's starting to look like "Continue building a stronger relationship with Kit Soon" is becoming a resolution of mine for the new year.

Speaking about resolutions, One of it would be to dust this blog and really start writing more here. (I think that was one of my resolutions for this year =P). My goal is that I post 2 articles here every month. We're gonna take baby steps. So keep me accountable! Post comments to remind me that I have to write! Yup so that's about it here. Can't wait to write about all the new thoughts and experiences next year holds!

Till the next article my journal readers! (Which should't be too far away!)
Dennis

Queasy Quantitative

My head is spinning. The world seems to have become a big watercolour picture with the paint smearing. I turn to my right and left. Through my blurry vision I can make out that my lecturer is still droning on and my friends are snickering about something. However, all I hear are dull and low thumps. What's happening to me? I am so muddled in my thoughts. My mind is drifting and spacing out. Then,...... BAM!!! It all comes back to me. I'm in maths class and my lecturer is doing some sort of difficult differentiation question up front on the board. Am I going crazy? What just happened?

It's just the maths. It's hard and I struggle quite a lot. Today made me question why exactly I wanted to do a degree in economics. There's so much maths and it feels like I can't handle them. I mean I don't hate maths but I don't love it. I'm not terrible at it but I'm also not great at it. I would say that I'm a 'B' student when it comes to quantitative subjects. 

The frustration inside me simply stems from my desire to know and understand maths. I really want to understand it but it feels like a great serpent or bronco who keeps bucking and twisting, refusing to be tamed. I think one reason would be that maths lectures are 3 hours in one sitting. This makes it extremely unbearable. Like I realise 2 hours is my absolute maximum. If it's a new or tough topic, my maximum brain absorbant (if there is such a word) time would be much less. Also, my lecturer runs through the topics pretty fast. He's good at solving the questions and he can teach but he could improve greatly on his his ability to educate. 

I really, really, want to 'get' maths. i know it won't be easy but I'm willing to learn if someone can patiently help me and go through the subject slowly. However, for now, there's really no one to do that with me. I could ask my friends but i don't think that they have so much time to sit patiently and help me through slowly. The one saving grace is that the "Essential Reading" material is very well written and brings the reader slowly through the tricky topics. It's called "Mathematics for Economics and Finance: Methods and Modelling" by Martin Anthony and Norman Biggs. Thank you Mr. Anthony and Biggs for writing such an excellent book! I currently have a borrowed copy from the library but I intend to purchase my own.

Well, that's all for now. I really have to trust God with this. I know that he will help me and that I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. =)

Dennis

Chasing the Peak

Today's maths class was really though. I mean I find practically all MT105a classes challenging but today's was just exceptionally hard. Honestly, I am panicking because in my mind I'm thinking what if I don't do well in this subject? What if I fail? What if I don't receive a good grade on my degree? So many questions...

However, I was just pondering over this and a thought struck me. "Just because you aren't a maths whiz, does it make you any less successful?" It got me thinking and after some thought here's some of the #walkinghomethoughts that came to mind:

The world generally defines success as being on top of your game, having a soaring career, scoring well in your exams, earning loads of money, being better than anyone else, etc.. etc... But is it justified? If I can't excel in my academics, does it make me any less successful? You see, the world wants the best of the best. Sometimes it feels like anything less than an A will not be considered. So as our world grows in knowledge and as people grow smarter, average people, who are not able to grasp new information and data as fast, will be pushed back further and further, losing out on opportunities in life. Sooner or later, what we define as an average student today will be considered stupid in the future. Should we be placing so much emphasis on the top all the time? Yes, careers, academic qualifications, income are important but should our "success" be hung on these alone? Or are there other ways of defining success? Is it justified that just because I earn more than you, I am more successful? 

What if I've worked my hardest, done my best and scored a C on a paper while another person who did not study got a B. Does it make him more successful than me? If he had studied really hard he could have scored an A. Would I be considered the "failure" when the talented guy did not utilize his aptitude for the subject to the maximum? 

I believe that sometimes, (or if not all of the time) we chase such things in life to satisfy our own insecurities. We feel like we are no one, so we need to show and prove ourselves to the world. That "Hey, I'm good and smart!" On the other hand, was this mind-set birthed from the world's wanting of the crème de la crème? Possibly.

So through my thoughts, I was reminded of a song called "The Reason I Sing" by Jimmy Needham. It a song where Jimmy sings of success as how his industry and as the world defines it, but at the end, he reaches a conclusion that God is the most important. The songs goes on to say that perhaps we should define success as obedience to God. 

I really like this song because I really relate to it. It helps me reset my perspectives. I hope it will encourage you too. That's all for now!

Dennis

Update! Update! Update!

Hey everyone!

It's been awhile since I've blogged (if you can't tell). Sorry! Really sorry. Life has been hectic, exhausting and just overwhelming at times. I'm here now though.

Since my last post, I've started my degree course. I'm currently pursuing a degree in Economics and Management under the University of London's External Programme. It's though. It's offered in collaboration with the London School of Economics and Political Science. I think from there you can imagine the level of difficulty. However, as my dean says, "Don't say it's hard, say it's challenging."

I'm doing pretty well with my subjects though I am struggling with some subjects. I won't say that I completely can't do it but it I can't grasp the concepts as fast as my friends can or as fast as I want to. It's frustrating for me because I really want to know but it's hard... *sob sob* ... so yeah... But with God's help I can do it and I will overcome.

God's been really, really good. It's just been helping me all the way and He's been there all the time. In the last few days, I've come to truly understand and realise that it's in His presence that I am made completely free. In His presence, there is such a refreshment of the spirit. All we really need is His presence.

So that's it for now. I really hope that I will be able to blog more often from now on. I promise to try my very best!

Till next time!
Dennis

Valentine's Day 2015

Today when I scrolled through my News Feed on Facebook, I saw some statuses which went like, "I'm glad I'm single, freedom!" and "What's so special about today? It's just another busy Saturday." Needless to say, they're both single guys. But come on, seriously? Why do you need to post such stuff? I would attribute it to their own insecurity but I could be wrong. Me? I'm single but I don't see the need to declare such things. Honestly, I can only think that they really are insecure. 

In my opinion, if you're single, just be happy for couples, especially married ones. We should celebrate the love of two people in holy matrimony. In today's society, 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. This is really, really, really sad. Hence, Valentine's day should be used to appreciate couples who remain with each other through thick and thin.

For me, as a single guy, when this day comes round each year, I use it to plan what I'd do with/for my wife on this day in future. Some other ideas that can be done if you're single is to meet up with a bunch of your single friends and fellowship. Go for a meal, play a game of bowling or maybe even watch a movie. The possibilities are endless!

So, I hope everyone's day went well. Sorry for the break from writing. Life's been up and down lately so I've been too busy and down to write. I'll continue to try to post a post every week. Thanks for sticking with me.

Till next time,

Dennis