Saying Goodbye to a Decade

It's my birthday soon (I'm not hinting anything!). Yes, it's my birthday soon and then I turn twenty. Twenty? I've lived so long already? Has it really been 2 decades already? Wow, time sure flies. I mean I'm in my last days as a teenager. A teenager? I'm not gonna be one anymore? I'm going to have to be a big boy now and grow up and do my own laundry and sweep my room and earn my own money? Just kidding, I already do my own laundry and sweep my own room. Earning my own keep won't be for awhile though. I've still another 2 years of education ahead before I get my degree. But yeah, I'm turning twenty. It scares me cause it'll be the closing of my days as a wild and free teenager while a new chapter opens up. Not that I was that wild and free, I was well trained by my mother :) (bragging again Dennis).

Yesterday in cell, Wai Nyan, who was leading word asked a question. It went, "What have you worked hard and long for and have achieved/received it?" It got me really thinking, "What have I done in my life so far, these last close to twenty years?" I couldn't really give an answer. I haven't really worked hard at much or for a long period of time. There were stories of marathons, 4.0 CGPAs, sports achievements, acing exams etc... Me? None. I have no certificate, no medal, no name to a record, no exam I've worked my guts out for. Nothing. What have I been doing? I think in a sense I'm quite an underachiever. Is that self pity? Maybe but I'm being honest as I reflect. Yeah, I don't think I've really achieved much in my life. When it was my turn to share, I told them a small fraction of ODDI (owh-dee). It's my observation and analysis "programme" in my mind. It stands for Observation, Deduction, Detection & Impression. (I'll tell you guys more about it someday. Soon probably, just be patient ya.) It pales however in comparison to everything else that was said. But it's ok. I mean it's a "programme" that's still being constructed. I'm still "building" it through my observations and readings. It will never be a "finished programme" but I guess as I said previously, I care for people and it's through this I can better care for others. 

I think the reason that I haven't really 'achieved" anything is because my goals are in terms of years and tens of years. My goals include getting married and building it into a strong one, owning my own home where I can entertain guests, raising a strong, loving family and training my sons to be upright and godly men. Yup, my goals are very long term so it will take awhile. Preparation starts now. For example, I do read up on parenting and marriage. I think through situations that may never happen or will only happen many years from now and how to handle them. Then again, do I really need to achieve something to make myself feel good about myself. I think as long as my achievements do not define who I am then it's ok. It's ok to have dreams and goals but not let those things be the determinants of my self worth. My identity is in Christ, I must remember that. The other thing is that I lack tenacity. I am not a strong-willed person. Maybe some times I am, depending on how you define strong-willed *awkward grin*. It's something I have to build, determination and tenacity. Perhaps if I look at my friends and the stories they have shared, I will be able to learn and define tenacity and determination a little better and work towards them. It's pretty manly I think to have those characteristics. Yeah, I should and must integrate these two characteristics into my life.

The last few days of my adolescent years are nigh. Just reflecting on them, well the earlier chunk of it, probably 11-17 are probably heartbreaking but as I look at the last 2 years, at the ages of 18 & 19, I see a glimmer of hope. Perhaps life is just getting started for me. Perhaps my teen years were to shape and propel me to something greater in the next decades of my life. I don't know, only time will tell. The emptiness, the pain, the loss, the gain, the joy, the fun, well it can be sealed and done. 10 years, labelled the growing 10s. Finally can be brought to a close. packaged and considered closed. A chapter ends, a new one starts. A new one with hope that seems to gleam in the horizon. So goodbye my teens and hello the next decade. I wonder if it'll be the "Roaring Twenties." Well only God knows. It's amazing how He has sustained me the last twenty years. It's truly amazing that I, in the first place, that I am alive. I can't wait to see what He'll write in this new chapter. He's placed in great friends and brothers in the ending of the last and as far as I see it it'll be a deepening of these relationships. There's so much to look forward to in life too. One thing I know though, that as long as God writes the story, it'll be exciting.

Till next time!

Dennis

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; 

And lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct thy paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6