Shadows

Yesterday, while I was driving in the car. My FM radio was on. Now, I rarely switch my radio to FM mode but usually have a CD (yes, I still buy CDs, I'm that old-school) running. So as I changed radio channels, I heard the end of this song playing: 

It hit me hard cause I've been having thoughts about this aspect of life. It summed up the cry of the hearts of many, many people. "Can you love me? Even though I'm like that? Even though with this as my past?" It really struck a chord within my heart. If there is anything that the last 2 years being in KL has taught me is that many people have a past. Painful, shattered lives; crushed and broken hearts; debris lying on the ground. Well for me the context would be my friends. It's probably easy to accept someone whom you don't know very well, at least for me, because one hardly knows the person. On the contrary, if it's someone close to your heart like a cell member or good classmate it can be tougher. Perhaps there is the thought that why didn't you tell me before? Have you been lying to me all this time by just saying everything is alright when it's not? I think it's probably I feel that you've just been deceiving me by not stating who you really are. It's even worse when I have to keep asking before the truth surfaces."Wow Dennis, so understanding." I mean hey, I'm being real about how I feel but I do understand that trust takes time to build. That's the initial feelings but after that, "You sit down now and we are going to work this out cause I love you so much! Do you know that?"

I was pondering on the ability to love such people and I know I really, really want to. I really want to "remind them who they really are" and help them find their way back to Christ or to Christ. Inside, I know that the love that I have towards such people is not mine. My love is selfish and is only doled out to people who are "perfect" and "deserving" of it. But this love is different. It's a love that is wild, free and raging. A love that seeks to fight through the darkness and bring light. Every time someone tells me of the things they wrestle with, I feel this huge wave of love just sweeping forth from me that I know cannot be mine. It can only be the Father's love. Loved people love people. I've experienced the love of God directly and through other people, how can I hold it back from other people? You know, I'm a looper, when people tell me about what they go through, I think over and over about them. I really care.

My greatest fear is that my friends will always feel that they have no one to turn to in the midst of their circumstances. I hope that they know that they can trust me. I hope that they know that I'm for them. I hope that they know that I believe in them. I hope they know that if they're struggling with anything I will be there to help them. I hope they know that my life isn't as happy or perfect as it seems and I understand, I understand how they feel. I hope they know that if they're drunk, they can call me at the wee hours of the day and I WILL GO FETCH THEM! I hope they know that when they're about to sin, if they know that they're being tempted to do something they are not supposed to do, they can call me too, at anytime of the day. I hope they know that they can call me at 3 in the morning when something bad happens. I hope they know that when they've messed up, they can call me. Should they be unable to call, I hope they know that they can send me a message.... or many, many messages.

I hope that at the end of the day, they know that they have redemption in Jesus. I hope they know that they can never go to far to cause God to stop loving them. No depression, drug usage, sexual misconduct, self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts, pornography is gonna stop God loving them and I hope that through my life they will be able to experience God's love. "No sin, no shame, no past, no pain can separate me from Your love; No height, no depth, no fear no wrath, can separate me from Your love." Nothing absolutely nothing. God is here for you and I'm here for you. Don't push Him out, don't push me out. For goodness sake, tell me and DON'T WAIT FOR ME TO ASK! I may be an observant person but I don't always pick things up. It's OK to initiate the conversation first! God wants to journey with you out of these things, I want to journey with you too. Let us help you. Please. You are never ever a burden.

I won't run away.
I promise to stay.
You are worth a lot to Christ and me.

Dennis

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son,
That whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16