Resonance

Many times I hear the phrase, "I don't know how you're feeling because I've never experienced that before." The point is, when people like me share, we don't expect you to completely understand. All we really need is a listening ear, someone who will love us. Giving advice can usually backfire cause not everyone is ready for a "solution." On the contrary, it can appear that you don't really want to listen to us and that you're judging.

People, people are hard to deal with. I get that, your best intentions don't always go to plan. You feel that you're helping by giving answers but you're not. Admitting that you can't give answers is going to make the person pouring out his or her heart feel even worse. It's like you don't really get me and I'm just being a burden to you cause you have to figure out how to react and stuff. No, really we, at least I don't need you're solutions. I just need care, love. A word of encouragement, timely, probing questions and key phrases that will make the person feel alright. When people say they don't know what to do to help me, I'm like no, you don't have to do anything. Just listen. I was reading a book the other day about caring for others and the counselor writing the book stated that the best care one can give is a listening ear and that is so so true!

The other day, I was talking to a psychology graduate and she said, "What we need is someone who resonates." In my head, that fired of the green light. Yes! That's it! What we need is someone who goes like "I don't really get you but I'm totally here for you because while I don't completely get your issues, I know that you are going through a difficult time and I understand what difficult times mean." It is really that simple, an ear, an arm and a voice to tell us that its owner is gonna be right there for us. But that's hard, listening is hard. It's a skill. It requires training and full concentration. The key word is training. To help a hurting world, we need to train ourselves to be listeners first instead of just chattering away. Stop and listen. Just stop talking and listen. concentrate and listen. On top of that, it really helps to be consistent. Don't just check up through messages only but also in real life. I've experienced moments when I've had a rough night, talked to someone about it and the next day when I meet the person, the person just acts as if I'm all fine. It sounds demanding but I'll be honest, this is how I operate cause I know that I want that to happen to me too when I'm in need.

So there, a little snapshot of things and listening and resonating. Just some pointers to help you care for people better. Pray, pray for swift ears and a heart of compassion. Never close your heart. Remember that Christ will help you in all circumstances. And also, I believe that whoever you are reading this can become a better companion to someone who needs a listener :)

Dennis