My head is spinning. The world seems to have become a big watercolour picture with the paint smearing. I turn to my right and left. Through my blurry vision I can make out that my lecturer is still droning on and my friends are snickering about something. However, all I hear are dull and low thumps. What's happening to me? I am so muddled in my thoughts. My mind is drifting and spacing out. Then,...... BAM!!! It all comes back to me. I'm in maths class and my lecturer is doing some sort of difficult differentiation question up front on the board. Am I going crazy? What just happened?
It's just the maths. It's hard and I struggle quite a lot. Today made me question why exactly I wanted to do a degree in economics. There's so much maths and it feels like I can't handle them. I mean I don't hate maths but I don't love it. I'm not terrible at it but I'm also not great at it. I would say that I'm a 'B' student when it comes to quantitative subjects.
The frustration inside me simply stems from my desire to know and understand maths. I really want to understand it but it feels like a great serpent or bronco who keeps bucking and twisting, refusing to be tamed. I think one reason would be that maths lectures are 3 hours in one sitting. This makes it extremely unbearable. Like I realise 2 hours is my absolute maximum. If it's a new or tough topic, my maximum brain absorbant (if there is such a word) time would be much less. Also, my lecturer runs through the topics pretty fast. He's good at solving the questions and he can teach but he could improve greatly on his his ability to educate.
I really, really, want to 'get' maths. i know it won't be easy but I'm willing to learn if someone can patiently help me and go through the subject slowly. However, for now, there's really no one to do that with me. I could ask my friends but i don't think that they have so much time to sit patiently and help me through slowly. The one saving grace is that the "Essential Reading" material is very well written and brings the reader slowly through the tricky topics. It's called "Mathematics for Economics and Finance: Methods and Modelling" by Martin Anthony and Norman Biggs. Thank you Mr. Anthony and Biggs for writing such an excellent book! I currently have a borrowed copy from the library but I intend to purchase my own.
Well, that's all for now. I really have to trust God with this. I know that he will help me and that I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. =)
Dennis
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